84% Of Politicians Relieved Mary Lou McDonald Didn’t Mention Their Ansbacher Account In Dáil Yesterday

MARY Lou McDonald took to her now weekly slot in the Dáil yesterday, which sees her at centre stage solely for the benefit of the vulnerable and helpless Irish people.

McDonald appeared to have a halo hovering above her head as she began detailing the Ansbacher list as well as having a set of wings emanating from her back. A Sinn Féin spokesperson later explained that the TD had come straight from the Dáil nativity play.

Following on from claims made by a civil servant whistleblower, the Sinn Féin deputy leader read aloud the names of politicians who had allegedly availed of a tax avoidance scheme in the Cayman islands.

There were loud sighs of relief as many sitting TDs in the Dáil chambers learned their names were not on the list. One TD in particular leapt from his seat cheering ‘thank fuck’ before being asked to calm down by the Ceann Comhairle.

“I was zoning out big time, as there was the usual shit talking going on,” explained an unnamed TD to WWN, “then Mary Zulu starts harping on about politicians and tax avoidance scheme and sure I nearly had a heart attack. Not because I availed of such a scheme of course, but because I thought we were due to debate the height of curbs in Cork city centre”.

While many back bench TDs high-fived one another as their names were not uttered by McDonald, others found it a truly stressful few seconds.

“You know that panic you get, when you clench your arsehole so tight you think it might actually implode,” asked another TD, “well that is where I was at for those few seconds”.

Other politicians were a little more forthcoming.

“Ansbacher? Well, depends on what you mean do I have one, because technically I have about seven on the go,” explained another TD, “we politicians love to dodge tax as much as the next person, although I’m not sure I should admit that,” she added regretfully.

McDonald’s listing of the politicians allegedly involved in the scandal reaffirms the TD’s commitment to transparency and an intense dislike of withholding of information necessary to bring people to account.

Despite this stance McDonald seems content with ignoring similar traits of withholding information within her own party when it comes to allegations of republican sexual abuse of women and children.