Date Rapist Foiled After Woman Leaves Beermat Over Glass



A PROLIFIC date rapist was foiled last night in an attempt to spike a girl’s drink in a nightclub, after the clever young lady put a beer mat over her glass while she danced with her friends.

Steve McCoolmin, an avid date rapist, usually preys on young girls by either filling them with alcohol or slipping a drug such as Ketamine or Rohypnol into their drinks while they aren’t looking, rendering the unfortunate lady unable to fight off sexual advances later in the night.

However, on this occasion, McCoolmin found himself at a loss as to how to remove a beer mat from the top of a glass, and had to go home without sexually assaulting anyone.

In the absence of a safe society where women can go on a night out without fear of being sexually assaulted, many young women believe that placing a beer mat or coaster over your glass (sometimes referred to as rapist kryptonite) is a 100% proven method of guaranteeing that nobody slips anything into your drink while you leave it unattended.

Having been thwarted in his attempts, McCoolmin spoke of his frustration at a wasted evening in a posting on an online Sex Offenders message board later that night.

“We met in a nightclub after linking on Tinder earlier in the day, and halfway through the night she went off to dance with some girls she knew,” said McCoolmin, posting on a popular sex offenders website.

“I went to make my move, only to discover she had left a beer mat over her mojito glass! What the fuck like? How am I supposed to spike a drink with a beer mat over it?! Any suggestions?”

With the festive party season now in full swing, people across the country are being advised to protect themselves from sex attacks while on nights out by putting a beer mat over their unattended glasses, and as secondary precautions maybe try exercising caution when meeting someone new for the first time, always letting a friend know where you are, and never letting your drink out of your sight while in a public area.