Tearful Scenes As Man Bids Farewell To Beloved Pair Of Boxer Shorts

THERE were emotional scenes at a Kildare house this morning, as a man was forced to say farewell to one of his most beloved pairs of boxer shorts.

Ian Farnam, 26, first wore the pair of check-patterned boxers in 2010, and had come to love them like a brother in the four years since. However, in recent months the pants had developed a hole which his wife said was inoperable, and so Farnam had to make the difficult decision to stop wearing them and buy new ones.

“They were just so comfortable,” said Farnam, a stay-at-home man. “You knew where you stood with them. They’d gotten pretty threadbare over the years, so they gave a great breeze effect on warm days. You could wear them under anything; jeans, cords, tracksuit bottoms… They never bunched my nuts or anything”.

With the tag worn off the back of the beloved boxers, Farnam now faces the difficult task of shopping for pants without knowing what size he needs.

“I think they were a medium, but it’s not like I can just go buy a medium pair of new pants,” he said, weeping openly. “The old pants had grown and stretched with me over the years, so now a medium is probably too small and a large too big. It’s a nightmare”.

Although he appreciates that the pants had served him well and deserved a rest, Farnam still holds a resentment towards his wife Alice, who he feels could have done more to save them.

“I just want to know why I’m not wearing my pants right now,” he gushed, inconsolably. “I’ve seen Alice mending rips in shirts and socks before, but she didn’t even try to save my pants. She just looked at them and told me to ‘throw those fucking things out’… This is right after she told me that I could wear any of the other pants I had in the drawer!”

“Do women not understand men’s pants at all? Do they not care?”

Following an emotional farewell to the pants, Farnam washed them one last time before submitting them to the rag drawer with the Mr. Sheen, where they will spend their final months polishing the mantlepiece and the telly.