AN Islamic fundamentalist trade union have served official notice on the Irish branch of Al Qaeda of the intention of their members to strike on Monday of next week, when several attacks are scheduled for the the UK and France.
Lengthy discussions last month between a senior member of Al Qaeda, Abdul Mohammed, SIPTU and terrorist cell negotiators failed to resolve a dispute over funding, accommodation and the controversial virgins in the after-life contract.
“We have still not been told exactly how many virgins we will receive in the afterlife.” claimed Patsy Patel.
Mohammed has pointed out that 90% of Al Qaeda’s ongoing expenditure is member related, with the annual terrorist budget being reduced for a second time in a year due to the credit crunch. A new budget is needed to cater for the high number of new members in the UK and Ireland.
In relation to the Waterford terrorist cell, Mohammed said that there will be no more funding as it is still regarded as a ‘sleeper cell’.
He then said “Virgins will be allocated to only those who have been given a task resulting in their own death. It does not apply to non-martyrs who just die naturally. It is stated clearly in their Koran contract.”
“The Waterford terrorist cell will remain dormant for at least another 3-4 years with a limited budget to support it. However, we do suggest that our members in the south east find some part time work in local fast food outlets to support themselves and their families.”
“Targeting the UK and France is the main priority at the moment.” he added.
Local cells have also been told that going on strike will not change anything, and it is not advised because of the attention it will bring in the media.