“I’m So Handsome Women Are Intimidated By My Good Looks And Afraid To Ask Me Out”


YOU would thinking sourcing vulnerable people with underlying mental health problems for the sole purpose of using their delusional state as fodder for clickbait would be a difficult chore for a young intern to execute, but no, these people are everywhere and a great way to generate content.

“Someone sent me a TikTok of this fellow who would eat himself if he was chocolate, so it was a no brainer to approach him on his socials and ask him how he got his good looks in order to guarantee this site a couple of outrageous soundbites which would spark our readers into incredulous typing,” former intern and now recently promoted WWN entertainment sub-editor Ciara Shelly writes.

Nightclub bouncer David Leary (38) claims women are so intimidated by how handsome he looks that they’re afraid to ask him out on a date, well, that’s the line we’re running with from the brief 40 second conversation Ciara had with him.

“My mam said that’s why I’m don’t have a girlfriend,” Leary explained, his words already being reworked to suit our narrative, “I’ve never been in a relationship in my life, so hopefully doing this interview will solve all that for me and the really nice picture you took of me there. I can’t wait to see the comments”.

Twisting his words into an infuriating quote designed to provoke our readers into commenting and improving our social media engagement is the perfect ploy as we know they’ll never actually click or read this far down the article. David’s blatantly plain appearance mixed with the word handsome is all we need to get a rise out of the most nasty and/or gullible people online.

“Handsome? He looks more like a human spud,” we’re guessing someone will write.

“He’s like a haunted testicle,” is another comment we’re hoping for, putting all basic humanity aside and forcing David into a 6-month depression where he never leaves the house. Which all paves the way for our follow up article about how cyber bullying is a plague