Friends Kick Off Unseasonably Late Stephen’s Day Pints With 10am Cans


MAYBE it’s their advancing years, newfound maturity or changing priority but an aging group of 24-year-olds just can’t muster the same appetite for the Stephen’s Day session as they used to, WWN can report.

“Ah the liver’s not able for it anymore,” Stephen’s Day drinker Stephen Stevens shared with friends as he apologised for his offensively late arrival to a houseshare at 10am which was the venue for this year’s pre-pre-pre-races pints.

“Lads, are we losing our edge? Is this what it’s like to be some ancient 30-year-old?” queried local lad Brian Tierney, tamely downing the last of his cans at the pathetically late hour of 11am.

The Dublin based crew have been accused of disrespecting the sacred traditions treasured by those who love a bit of a mad one around the festive period.

“We were never big pub on Christmas Eve types, we save ourselves for S.D and now look at us, I feel like we’ve lost a bit of perspective, we’ve tradition to uphold,” said Robert ‘Greener’ Green, in a rally call to his friends who were running the risk of half-arsing it to the point where they won’t have been kicked out of a single establishment by the 1pm mark.

“No one’s even done a tactical stomach pump, lads I’m going to fuck off home if you’re not going to take this seriously. That barmaid over there, look at her, we’ve given her no trouble at all. She’s not even crying! Have we forgotten who we are?” pleaded Green, nowhere close to a blackout.