Dublin Riots Tame Compared To The Sales, Confirms Foot Locker Worker


A DUBLIN retail worker is appealing for the immediate intervention by An Garda Síochána after describing hellish scenes of the capital city in chaos once again.

“I think it’s a mix of high levels of disposable income and snide impatience coupled with being cooped up for a few days but these posh ones are rabid,” said retail worker Kyle Brozic, drowning under a stampede of paying customers.

“I’ve been waiting 30 MINUTES!” one customer who was waiting on a shoe for 53 seconds declared, violent intent emanating from her eyes.

Brozic and his colleagues confirmed they would prefer an armed and angry xenophobic mob over the perilous conditions of the post Christmas sales.

“At least those lads don’t hide their racism, this woman has been over-enunciating every syllable and smiling manically whenever she talks at me,” Brozic’s colleague Maneesh Patel added.

While violent mobs are no picnic, Patel stated no racist has ever asked to speak to the manager.

“We’ve had to hire four extra managers just to field rants from some of these Karens,” Patel explained as one woman became addicted to saying incredibly rude things under her breath with the clear purpose of wanting to be heard.

When asked in a genuinely impressive condescending tone by a customer why the shop didn’t put on more staff if they knew it was going to be this busy, Brozic called on the public order unit to come in and use their new tasers.

Amid the confrontational mayhem pursued by customers, one staff member from Ukraine quit on the spot, preferring to rejoin the front lines of war in search of peace and quiet.