Hilarious: Mortgage Holders Under The Impression They Own The House


JUST when you thought you’ve heard it all these days, it appears that people who have straddled themselves with a 30-year home loan from the bank believe the bank wouldn’t kick them out of the house if they failed to keep up their spiraling repayments.

“It’s all in the word itself, ‘mort-gage’, which means ‘death pledge’; in other words the deal is only finished when either the debt is paid or the payment fails – and as a bank we’re always counting on the latter,” a demon-eyed banking source told WWN, laughing profusely as news of a 9th interest rate rise in a year rocked mortgage holders today, “if you think we wouldn’t try everything in our power to take back that house despite you only having a few grand left to pay off on it, then you’ve another thing coming”.

With over 400,000 mortgage holders coming to the end of their fixed rate agreements and now possibly facing dozens more interest rate hikes over the coming years, banks are expected to reap the rewards of defaults by those struggling to make ends meet during the cost-of-living crisis, a crisis conveniently now fueled by the very same banks.

“Remember when you bailed us out and then we continued to take back all your homes? Well, expect more of the same – house always wins,” our source added, who we’re pretty sure has horns growing out of his head and hooves for feet, “that’s how us banks work; we create your mortgage loan from a magic money cauldron and then lend it to you knowing that if you default we’ll inherit that physical asset from a virtual some of money we created – God, this is too easy,” our source concluded, before whipping us with his pronged tail and disappearing into the ground in a flash of fire and smoke.