Ways Enoch Burke Can Pay Off His Hefty Legal Bill

HIT with the a six-figure legal bill by the courts, professional entrance gate lurker Enoch Burke may be looking for new ways to make money in a bid to pay up on what he owes.

But just what is the job market like out there these days? WWN takes a look at some of the ways Burke could bank some cash:

RTÉ licence fee collector

It’s the job nobody wants but the pay is decent, and constantly getting in rows on people’s doorsteps could help Burke fill the ‘standing outside a school’ void in his heart.

Shouter for hire

The market is huge for a ‘shouter for hire’ as Ireland is teeming with meek and shy people unable to stand up for themselves in everything from salary negotiations with a boss or rowing on public transport with a stranger.

Singing

Apparently blessed with a beautiful singing voice Burke could take to busking or performing at venues. However, in today’s unforgiving and competitive arts and music scene he’ll need something that makes him stand out which is where performing in drag could really help.

A beloved artform with huge entertainment value, drag queen ‘Enoching Boots’ performing Born This Way by Lady Gaga is sure to take the drag brunch circuit by storm.

Children’s Hospital contractor

Current calculations suggest he would earn his total outstanding fines and legal fees after just 12 seconds as a contractor.

Nightclub bouncer

Is there anyone more accustomed to hearing the phrase ‘you’re not getting in here pal’? Burke can use this experience and become a keeper of the gates at the nation’s clubs.

Join the RTÉ executive board

Doesn’t appear like you need to turn up or pay much attention, and Burke’s decision to keep incurring €700-a-day fines by standing outside a school actually makes him one of the more financially responsible people to serve on the board.

Online influencer

There’s money to be made online, and who wouldn’t want Enoch Burke branded home exorcism kits and holy water? Another route would be the religious Only Prayers service where devout people pay to watch you passionately pray.