‘Stop Kebab Shaming’ Drunk People Call For Dignity When Horsing Into Messy Meat Pockets

THE nation’s kebab munchers have called on the people of Ireland to respect their dignity when horsing into their favourite messy meat pockets on the street post-session, stating that ‘kebab shaming’ needs to stop if we want to move on as a society.

Sick of being looked down upon by the more sober revellers on nights out, kebab enthusiasts are now calling on the government to include kebab shaming into any new proposed privacy laws in a bid to protect munchie-ridden soakagers.

“Yeah, there’s garlic mayo and chili sauce all over my face, so what? It’s the dog’s bollocks, okay?” barked campaigner Mark O’Dwyer who was demonstrating the ongoing ‘foodism’ outside his favourite kebab shop in Waterford at 2am last Sunday morning after drinking his own weight in booze, “you can’t eat these things without making a mess sober, so what chances do we have drunk? It’s not fair,” he added, before succumbing to a chronic bout of hiccups and falling into a taxi home.

“People filming and sharing videos online of drunken people engaging in the intimate act of kebab defiling should be jailed,” shared one kebab enthusiast.

However, those opposed to public displays of kebabbing (PDK) have retaliated against the calls to scrap kebab shaming, claiming it is people’s right to be able to stare at and judge other people for their sloppiness and leaving bits of lettuce and onion everywhere on the street with a head on them like a burst purple cabbage.

“Over 500 people are killed every year in Ireland from slipping on kebab bits,” a spokesman for Anti-Kebab Munchers Ireland said, “a further 300,000 taxis are soiled every year costing millions of euros in damage, how much longer do we have to stand aside and ignore this epidemic? These people are monsters; they’re the lowest of the low”.