Tánaiste Can’t Wait To Conscript These Little Bastards


CURRENT Tánaiste Micheál Martin is confident that he can have bullets whistling past the ears of the young people who heckled him at the recent forum on Ireland’s international security policy within a matter of years, adding that the interruption has only made him more determined to join NATO than ever before.

“Shout and heckle me, ha, let’s see how you like freezing your nuts off on the frontlines of a war with a country you’ve never heard of!” fumed Martin, as the manufactured debate around Ireland’s neutrality heated up.

“Until this week, Ireland was on the slow journey of convincing the nation that NATO membership was essential to our standing in the international community, leading to a referendum on the subject and a second referendum depending on how that one went. After the shitshow in Cork, I’m full steam ahead! I hope you little bollixes like short haircuts and meagre rations!”

Martin was also criticised for claiming that the protestors at the event were anti-democratic for trying to ‘shout down a debate’, before going on to refuse to debate that particular point.

“Hey what’s that over there?” he asked while pointing in the distance, before running away when we turned our backs to look.