Local Man Isn’t Himself Until He Hands Multinational Tax-Dodging Company €4 For A Cup Of Watery Piss


YOU might think that paying an ever-increasing amount of money on a daily basis for a cup of coffee that is ever decreasing in quality would put most people in a bad mood first thing in the morning, but hundreds of thousands of people across the nation have listed it as ‘the best part of their day’.

“Just that first cup of coffee in the morning really hits different, it really sets me up for the day!” beamed one Waterford man we spoke to, who would die instantly from a brain aneurysm if he ever totted up how much he spends on Americanos over the course of a year.

“€4.20 for a plain black coffee? Seems reasonable to me,” added another person we spoke to, whose crippling addiction to caffeine has seemingly blinded them to the extortionate price of their beverage.

“You wouldn’t like me before my first cup of coffee in the morning! Before that first hit of caffeine, I’m way more likely to get outraged at things like a multinational company making millions in profits but only contributing somewhere in the neighbourhood of €4,200 in corporation tax. But after coffee, I don’t mind it at all” stated a lady we spoke to, jittering as she talked.

Sadly, not buying a coffee every morning doesn’t seem to be an option in the current climate, as everything sucks so much and facing the day without a cuppa or a smoke or a vape is ‘unthinkable’.