Homeless People Moved For Biden Visit In Case He Thinks It’s LA
IRELAND has undergone a ‘deep clean’ to ensure that visiting US President Joe Biden doesn’t mistake our nation for somewhere with deep social problems that might be found in other countries, such as his own.
Earlier today a special delegation of Gardaí were deployed in Phoenix Park to remove any rough sleepers in the area, by giving them a free return train ticket to Cork and and back. This was done to make sure President Biden isn’t reminded of the homelessness crisis gripping cities in his own nation, thus making him sad when he should be enjoying our great land.
Elsewhere, Irish people were told to ‘cool it with the racism’ for a couple of days as the US is still pretty divided on that subject. Meanwhile, a selection of the country’s most presentable and adequately nourished schoolchildren were given an audience with Mr. Biden, although there were fears that this would remind him of how many kids in his own nation get shot at their desks on a yearly basis.
“We want him to think we’re great, but not rub it in his face at the same time,” said one aide to the government’s ‘Joe Good Time’ operation.
“You show too much of the bad things, he could get sad. You show too much of the good things, he might get jealous. And sad. Basically we want him to come away from his visit thinking ‘wow, Ireland is amazing. What a perfect place’. We have no idea why we’re like this”.
Meanwhile some homeless people who don’t feel like a trip to Cork and back today have been offered the option of being beaten with sticks and chased to Westmeath, if they prefer that.