Biden To Do Irish Car Bomb Shots With Sinn Féin In Dáil Bar: Full Itinerary Revealed
US PRESIDENT Joe Biden’s second full day in Ireland is as action-packed as his first, with the Democrat taking in a visit to the Áras, a speech in Leinster House and a banquet in Dublin Castle. WWN has the full schedule of events below:
After making enough gaffes on his first day to solve Ireland’s housing crisis Biden is expected to ask Mary Lou McDonald and her crew to do Irish car bomb shots in the Dáil bar.
Despite every effort made by his handlers, Biden will be calling Micheal D Higgins a leprechaun at some point during his official meeting at Áras an Uachtaráin.
The US leader will be allowed shoot a Phoenix Park deer of his choosing. While Leo Varadkar will not be allowed shoot a homeless person of his choosing.
Partaking in an ancient Irish political custom Biden can ignore over 400 homeless people asking for spare change or help as he makes his way through the city.
At extensive tour of all the hotels in Dublin that used to be a theatre, music venue or community hub follows.
An honour – Biden then receives a €5 pint of Guinness, something so rare it is only reserved for special guests.
He will be allowed take any page from the Book of Kells he desires home with him.
Biden then makes his way to Leinster House via his limo known as ‘The Beast’, which will mow down at least 14 cyclists and 45 Canada Goose clad e-scooterists en route.
At his own insistence Biden will take a route comprising only ‘English sounding’ streets name and spit on each one.
The majority of Irish politicians will be taken to hospital for jaw ache after smiling and laughing along to every sentence uttered by the US leader, no matter how inane and empty.
Paul Murphy will be replaced in his Dáil seat by a puppet TD after a US-led coup.
The menu at the banquet held in Dublin Castle exclusively revolves around the Chicken Fillet Roll and coleslaw, which Biden has developed an acute dependency on during his visit.
During the banquet, Biden will bestow Rob Kearney with a Purple Heart for defeating the Black and Tans.
Biden rounds off the night by queuing for Coppers at 1am before losing his friends inside and suddenly sobering up before questioning his life choices as he walks homes in the cold after failing to get a taxi.