Choosing An Expensive Easter Egg That Will Patch The Holes In Your Crumbling Marriage

EASTER isn’t any different than Christmas, birthdays, or Valentine’s Day for those stuck in loveless marriages – you still have to put forth at least a pretence that you’re happy by purchasing an obligatory gift/ flowers/ chocolate as a token of love.

So, while your heart can only muster enough enthusiasm to give your spouse a kid-sized Buttons egg that came in a 3-f0r-€5 deal (the other two eggs you ate yourself while sitting in the car outside your house), maybe one of these over-priced ouefs might spark a little bit of feeling between you both?

Milly O’Line’s Honeycomb & CBD White Chocolate Mega Egg

It’s the size of Andre the Giant’s head. The chocolate on it is an inch thick. And it comes in a basket. A basket! With all little flowers and things! Not only that, but it also costs almost as much as a PlayStation game. So, your spouse couldn’t possibly have a face on them when you present them with this on Easter morning. Unless they hate white chocolate and you’ve forgotten. They either love it or hate it… you’re certain it’s one or the other. Maybe if you still loved them, this information would stick.

Cadbury’s ‘Way They Were’ Egg 

The only Cadbury’s Egg on the market this Easter that tastes like chocolate back when it was good, the ‘Way They Were’ egg is almost impossible to find at this stage. Maybe you’d have bought one back when they were in stock, but you were waiting to ask your partner if you’re ‘doing Easter this year’. Now, you’ve no chance of getting one. Guess you’re in for a quiet night tonight, eh? Ha-ha, just kidding, you two haven’t made love in months.

A 10c Eat-A-Yolk 

Do they still make these? If so, get one of them. Who cares, it’s all the same at this stage. You’re both just sticking this out until the kids are a bit older, or your religious parents die. Hand them a hard-boiled egg, they give as much of a shit as you do.