Department Of Transport To Keep Plastic On Seats Of New DART+ Carriages For A While

MINISTER for Transport Eamon Ryan has vowed to slap the arse off the first youngster he sees with their feet up on the seats in a new DART+ carriages, as the pristine new prototypes were unveiled today.

The updated light rail system will come with newly designed upholstery from the same blind monk who designed the original DART decor, as well as an enticing ‘new DART smell’.

But nice new things come with nice new rules, and Minister Ryan has made the following certain:

– Drivers are to keep any protective stickers or plastic in place after the new carriages arrive, to protect the finish underneath, even if this means that the same plastic will eventually get tatty and worn and end up looking worse than it would have done to begin with.

– The first person to graffiti the outside of the carriage is to be banned from public transport for life.

– No ticket? Dodged the fare? The new DART+ carriages are designed to offer you no hiding places whatsoever, with zero chance the inspector will just wander past you.

– Special rubber skirting around the outside of the train make it almost impossible for a youth to kick a young woman under the wheels while at the platform and then subsequently escape any sort of jail time.

The new carriages are due into service in 2025, but sure you know yourself how these things go.