Hammered Taoiseach Wildly Swings Punches At Biden Before Being Subdued By Security In Traditional St Patrick’s Event

FILLED with hooch after abstaining from food since his arrival, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was led into the White House this afternoon as part of a traditional Saint Patrick’s event acted out every year since the founding of the state, WWN reports.

Uttering profanities at staff and those in attendance, Mr. Biden gave the Taoiseach the traditional nod, before the blind-drunk Irish leader was faced towards the 80-year-old before throwing a flurry of punches.

“Put ’em up, sonny,” the American President taunted, his sleeves now rolled up and fists poised vertically like an early 20th century boxer, “you’ll have to do better than that if you want to hit me, me laddie,” he added, as security casually intervened to a round of applause from those attending the event.

Now puking into a bin, the exhausted Taoiseach was shown to his quarters to get some rest ahead of his remaining visit.

“Ah, they don’t make them like they used to,” a shadowboxing Biden jeered, referring to the days of old when Irish and American leaders would actually engage in a traditional ‘fisty-cuffs’ fight in the oval office to mark the beginning of the Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations in Washington, “I’m old enough to remember FDR and Dev at it, when men were men and black eyes were standard”.

A vestige from a by-gone era, the punch-up isn’t the only poorly-aged tradition maintained by the nations as both leaders continue to pretend the US army doesn’t use Shannon Airport as a taxi rank before carrying out war crimes.

The annual fisty-cuffs duel was reduced to a staged event of mere pageantry post-1962, after JFK was knocked clean out with a spinning right hook from then Taoiseach Seán Lemass, causing a severe concussion and requiring 134 stitches.