“What The Fuck Am I Doing Here?” Biden Surprised By Surprise Visit To Ukraine

CURRENT US President Joe Biden paid a visit to the war-torn capital of Ukraine for a meeting with President Volodymyr Zelensky yesterday, much to the surprise of everyone, including himself.

“Oooh shit, this is a bad idea. Who’s idea was this? Was this one of mine?” asked Biden as he arrived in Kyiv yesterday for the first time since the Russian invasion of the country nearly 12 months ago.

“We kept this one quiet, didn’t we? That’s really for the best, I mean Putin would never get a better chance to take out his two biggest enemies with one single strike ever again. Okay, keep the engines running, I’m just going to pop in here for a quick hello then we’ll get the hell out of this country quicker than a rogue missile”.

Biden wasn’t the only one surprised by his sudden arrival in Ukraine, as President Zelensky was heard to remark that he didn’t know where he was supposed to put the US president and his 100-strong staff, what with there being a war on and everything.

“And does he have the keys to a fleet of war planes to hand over in return for us putting him up, of course he fucking doesn’t,” fumed Zelensky, pulling out the sofa bed.