Mick Wallace Cut From Wine Advisor Role After Recommending Nothing But Buckfast


THINGS HAVE gone from bad to worse for MEP Mick Wallace after he has been let go from his advisory role with a string of wine bars.

“Last week he thought he owned them, a few days ago he remembered he was being paid by them and now understandably he’s been let go ‘cus the man only recommends Buckfast,” said an MEP peer and wine aficionado.

A shake up of the drink offerings at the wine bars last month saw the menus overhauled at the direction of Wallace, who ordered 10,000 cases of Buckfast and nothing else.

“I don’t want to rubbish anyone’s palette, each to their own, but I’d sooner drink the piss than dribbled down a tramp’s leg and settled in his sock than drink Buckfast,” said a spokesperson for Wallace Calcio Ltd, who regrets the shortfall in Wallace’s pink polo shirt budget.

“I feel for him, he went to bed with an advisory role paying him somewhere in the region of €3,000 grand a year and now probably has the tax man after him… again.”

“Mick, eh I mean, us, the group of investors who own Wallace Calcio Ltd – they’re classy joints but I’m after having to clean up over 14 litres of vomit and that was just from 4 rowdy OAPs grabbing an early bird here,” concluded the spokesperson, mop in hand and bottle of Buckfast smashed into his face.

While Wallace was unavailable for comment we can all just presume he will state this was orchestrated by the shadowy cabal that is NATO, who put the words ‘I own three wine bars’ into his mouth against this will.

Elsewhere, Vladimir Putin has thanked whoever it is sent him a kind anonymous gift of Buckfast to celebrate the first anniversary of Russia’s selfless peace missions in Ukraine.