Cost-Of-Living Measures To Include €10 Free Bet With QuinnBet

THE Government has announced another batch of once-off measures aimed at helping people overcome the cost of living crisis, in a bid to have something to say ‘sure didn’t we look after you all along?’ when electioneering next year.

The latest measures which aren’t just a transfer of public money directly into the pockets of private businesses include:

– A once-off €200 electricity voucher payable to an energy company of the government’s choosing in your name.

– A once-off €200 fuel voucher redeemable only in a petrol station of the government’s choosing.

– A once-off €200 voucher payable to a different energy company, not the first crowd, someone else. ‘It’s only fair that all energy companies avail of these once-off payments, at least once’ a government spokesperson stated.

– A refund of your losing bet in the form of a free bet on very specific markets at very specific times, if placed through QuinnBet (other gambling institutions are assured that they will get their turn later in the year).

– 10 euro off your phone bill if you sign up to ESAT Digifone.

– A €500 voucher for Irish Water that the public are being advised to keep in their back pocket for now.

– One free kids meal when you buy a full-sized adult meal at a fast food outlet, redeemable only if you have kids (those without kids are shit out of luck).

Join us next week when even more once-off bonus payments are announced instead of actually implementing a windfall tax to stop us from being charged for the air we breathe and the gas we pass.