Even Enoch Burke Not Sure What End Game Is Here


STANDING outside at the gates of a place that you don’t belong from morning to evening may seem like a long and pointless way to spend a day, but Enoch Burke remains certain that the time he spends outside Wilson’s Hospital School in Westmeath is but a drop in the ocean compared to the time he’ll spend in the glory of the afterlife while everyone else who doubted or mocked him burns in the flames of hell forever.

“Otherwise this is all just a pointless waste of his life,” mused a source close to Burke, as the 30-year-old began yet another day of loitering outside his former place of employment.

“Long term, eternal salvation for doing the work of God – in this case, refusing to be in the same building as a child who goes by ‘they/them’ pronouns. That’s clearly the big end game here. Short term? Well, I can’t answer that. I’m not sure Enoch knows himself. Be re-employed? Have the kid kicked out of school?”

“Draw attention to religious prosecution? End transgenderism? Just do what his parents tell him to do so he doesn’t break his 30-year streak of never making a decision for himself? All the above? Listen, I know the family and I’m as terrified of Our Lord as the next Evangelical Christian. But I’m fucked if I’d be spending my days like this”.

Meanwhile passers-by have admitted that while they initially had Mr. Burke down as a ‘standard-issue bell end’, they do feel some flicker of pity when they see him being dropped off by his parents at the gates every morning.

“I believe it was Nelson Mandela who said ‘no child is born a cunt'”, mused one woman we spoke to.