Flicking Of Tee Most Exciting Thing To Happen In Golf History


GOLF fans around the world have seen their resting heart rates increase by a staggering one beat per minute as the incendiary flicking of a golf tee by Patrick Reed in the rough direction of Rory McIlroy at the Dubai Desert Classic has the sport engulfed in fresh controversy.

“Fuck me I need a lie down,” nerve-frayed golf fans agreed as the fall out from the out of control incident involving Reed shows no signs of abating.

“Forget UFC, this is the future of big Pay Per View events,” said one fan, already eagerly anticipating the addition of ring girls at all tee boxes.

Golf remains in a highly competitive race for people’s attention as other, more fast-paced sports increase revenues and audience share, but more incidents like this on the course could deliver big rating wins.

“Off the course, sure it’s been watchable – Tiger’s affairs, Michelson’s financial affairs, but we’re lacking incidents on the course itself. Imagine how many people would tune in if there were affairs, car crashes and bookies coming to collect debts ON the course? Replace golf carts with Monster Trucks and we’ve got something,” said one TV executive eyeing an opportunity.

“This is insane, the tours need to ramp up security. Armed security. If an incident like happens again someone will end decapitated by a tee or worse, the stitching on the trouser leg of a pair of slacks could be imperceptibly scratched,” urged another fan, calling for calm on all sides.

Elsewhere, the incident has been described as ‘mild’ by members of the Tramore Golf & Country Club, whose memories of Dom Kelly biting Frank Sinton’s ear off after he was chosen ahead of him for club captain remain fresh.