Waterford Millionaire Alan Rust Completes €147,000 Purchase Of Aertel


AERTEL users are considering getting their local GAA scores and television times from an alternative source if the proposed sale of the platform to controversial Waterford compo tycoon Alan Rust goes through as planned this weekend.

Rust, who made his fortune with years of slip-n-fall claims around the country, has offered RTÉ approximately €147,000 for sole ownership of the service, which was gladly accepted by director Dee Forbes as it makes up almost one third of Ray D’Arcy’s annual salary.

But many die-hard Aertel users are fearful that Rust’s outspoken ways and habit of being constantly wrong and just buying his way out of it may lead to their treasured teletext becoming a hotbed of misinformation and right wing lunacy.

“He says he’s going to ensure free speech on Aertel, but when I hit 103 for news I want to be sure that I’m getting the truth, not his version of it,” said one concerned pensioner we spoke to, who gets his son to look up things on Aertel at least once a week.

“This Rust lad, they say he’s a genius because he has all this money, like he earned it or worked hard for it. The fucker fell arse-first into a load of cash, and somehow managed to do this multiple times without anyone stepping in. That’s how he’s so rich, it’s nothing to do with being clever. If he was smart, why is he buying a thing that the majority of people use for free, which has umpteen free alternatives for people to use if they’re so inclined? Well fuck him, I’ll just get the scores from the radio instead”.

WWN were unable to contact Mr. Rust about the sale, as he was spending the day being the cringiest person on the planet.