Marcel The Monkey Writes Damning Tell-All Autobiography


MATTHEW Perry isn’t the only former Friends star releasing a tell-all autobiography this year, the capuchin monkey who played Ross Geller’s pet Marcel has put the finishing touches to ‘I’ll Be There Flinging Poo’, which promises to be an explosive exposé of their time in Central Perk.

Among the snippets leaked to press so far include:

– David Schwimmer who played Ross was ‘a gentleman’ to Marcel, always treating him with kindness and respect. The actor who played Russ, however, was a total scumbag.

– Courtney Cox blames Marcel for her break-up from then-husband David Arquette, claiming the monkey would regularly goad Arquette into violent fights backstage (Marcel denies this).

– Marcel did not associate with Matt LeBlanc or Matthew Perry, stating that the duo’s grating childish personas as Joey and Chandler were enough to make him steer clear. “They’re not good enough performers for that horse shit to have been acting,” claims the monkey.

– Jennifer Aniston attempted to sleep with him during the rough break-up of her marriage to Brad Pitt.

– The Friends crew got into a huge fight in New York City one night after bumping into the cast of Seinfeld, with Marcel stating that he ‘had to be pulled off that Costanza guy’ after going for his eyes.

– Marcel is ‘totally’ up for a reunion series on Netflix, but ‘that hippy bitch Lisa Kudrow’ is holding out for more money, ‘leaving us all in the shit’.