So You’ve Just Liked An Ex’s Pic From Ages Ago; Here’s What Happens Now

WELL, it happened. After years of covertly observing your ex via social media, you’ve accidentally interacted with one of their posts from years back; a shot of them lounging by the pool on some sun holiday with whatever loser they’ve replaced you with. A curse on Instagram! Every other social media platform uses a double-tap to zoom, so why does Insta use double-tap to ‘like’? Why? Why Christ, why would this happen?

Look, we could lament for ages, but there’s no time for that. What is done, is done. Here’s what happens next:

1) Expire

You drop dead out of sheer horror. There is no pain. It is peaceful, you may not even know it has happened, until you notice that your body is lying at your feet. Your hands are transparent. You look across the room. There is a man standing there, beside a boat where your couch used to be.

2) Approach the man

The man is a ferry operator, there to take you on to the next place. He asks you if you have two coins, to pay your fare across the river of the souls. You do not have the fare. He turns, boards his gondola, and pushes off. You are alone again. Time passes. Your body is found. your family mourns. You watch it all.

3) Attempt contact

You dwell among the living. You yearn to make contact with them. You pour all your willpower into forming something that they can see, something they can feel. A flickering light. A cold breeze. A book sliding off a shelf. You fail. They cannot sense your presence. Soon, they pack up, and leave. You are in the house by yourself now. A new family moves in, but you cannot move on.

4) Delete your account

You focus. You hone your ghostly senses until you can interact with the corporeal world. You go online. You delete your social media. Your ex will still have seen the like, but this feels like some sort of damage limitation.

5) Be at peace

As much as you can, try and allow your soul to rest. Eternity is a long time to be mortified.