“Would Be A Shame If Something Happened All These Jobs” Zuckerberg Tells Ireland After Instagram Fine


REACTING to the news that Instagram has been fined €400mn by the Irish Data Commission for data breaches relating to users aged 13-17, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has begun talking to Irish politicians about how big a shame it would be if all those Meta jobs here in Ireland were to suddenly disappear.

“Oh no, I see it now – all those jobs enjoying a lovely walk in the Metaverse and then oops, the jobs fall down the virtual stairs or something,” said Zuckerberg, fresh from setting a record for the world’s most cringe-inducing Insta video in the form of him partaking in a MMA training session.

While Zuckerberg denied there was any underlying meaning to him merely thinking out loud, he admitted it would be unfortunate if any jobs were to go missing in much the same way those photos of your ex went missing when they blocked you on Instagram.

“Sure it sounds scary that the data of 13 year olds isn’t safe in our hands and we refuse to accept we ever do wrong but does that sound scarier than 3,000 Meta jobs disappearing tomorrow? Wow, very spooky,” added Zuckerberg.

“Honestly, I’m so clumsy sometimes,” said Zuckerberg, his finger slipping and accidentally sending a termination email to one Irish worker, “and it’s so strange but my clumsiness always acts up when say, for example, a Data Commissioner issues a record €400mn fine to a subsidiary of Meta, it’s the darndest thing”.

WWN attempted to call the Data Commission for comment but the line was busy with dozens of government officials ringing to scream down the phone at them.