Varadkar & Martin Mark Civil War Anniversary By Kicking Lumps Out Of Each Other

THE FIRST official commemorations marking the 100th anniversary of the Irish Civil War descended into unsavoury scenes as Taoiseach Micheál Martin and Tánaiste Leo Varadkar engaged in a physical fight during a plaque unveiling at the Four Courts.

Initially a sombre and respectful reflection on the devastation wrought by the Civil War which saw over 2,000 die, a playful remark from one the crowd about Free Staters saw the event quickly unravel with all civility jettisoned in favour of reopening the bitter wounds of the past.

“G’wan, head into the Four Courts there and see what happens,” said Varadkar seemingly, as he threatened Martin with instructing the army to re-shell the Four Courts as part of commemorations.

“You heading to Cork anytime soon? You’d love Béal na Bláth, Brit licker,” retorted Martin, while insisting Varadkar and his ‘Blueshirts’ were only dying to pledge allegiance to Britain’s monarchy.

The men, clearly not well versed in fighting, made an undignified attempt at grappling on the ground and punching before supporting TDs from both sides entered the fray.

“Where did Willie O’Dea get a fecking flick knife from?” asked a machete wielding Paschal Donohoe, as a large crowd gathered to watch small splinter groups of people wage war in an echo of the Civil War itself.

Also observing from a distance were a number of Irish historians, hoping to get at least ten books out of the fight.

In other commemorations around the country, Irish people are marking the occasion by never speaking to their best friend again, shooting their brother-in-law, completely ignoring the women involved and telling the six counties to relax as there will be a full Republic in no time at all.