Empty Red Wine Bottles Acting All Innocent On Kitchen Table Like They Didn’t Just Fuck You Six Ways To Sunday

INNOCENTLY towering over a red stained kitchen table laced with cigarette ash and cheese crumbs, several empty bottles of wine stood silently in unison like they didn’t just fuck you six ways to Sunday.

“Whose idea was it to open a fourth bottle last night,” your dehydrated head asks rhetorically, before flashbacks confirmed it was indeed yourself who made the suggestion after a home cooked meal last night with your partner, “wine is only meant to be drank with food, but dinner was done at 8 and we didn’t finish bottle number four until 3am,” you give out to yourself, now remembering dancing to Rio de Silva’s Touch Me like it was 1999 again but without the aid of bangers, coke or speed.

“I would be in better shape if I did take a cocktail of drugs last night,” your mind falsely confirms as you try not to retch at the smell of the now uncorked bottles leaking sediment into the bag of empties beside the dishwasher, “fuck me, how could we be so careless again, like, someone should have intervened, the guy in the off-licence, the government, surely this isn’t entirely all our own fault”.

Writing off the rest of the day, the latest unwritten pact to only share one bottle of wine with food only was made, the 12,467th such verbal agreement since March 2020.