Woman Still Hasn’t Mastered Walking AND Texting


STOPPING every so often to type a reply to her daughter’s latest message, Dorothy Parkins shuffled along through Waterford’s busy streets like something wound up and slowly losing it perpetual motion, much to the annoyance of fellow pedestrians.

“I lamped into the back of her, not a warning in sight, some of these ones need brake lights, indicators, anything to warn people they’re just going to stop dead on the footpath in front of them,” one man urged after a human fender bender incident earlier with Mrs. Parkins, who didn’t even notice as she was too busy searching for the caps lock button on her phone’s keyboard.

Despite claims that women are better multi-taskers than men, Parkins continued down the street stopping and starting while squinting at her 10-year-old Samsung phone screen wrapped in a worn out greyish phone cover that was once pink which contains all her personal bank cards, pictures of grand kids and a Padre Pio medal.

“Sure, God love her, how does she even know where she’s going?” pointed out a motorist at the traffic lights, watching the 63-year-old cross the street without looking up once, stopping mid zebra crossing and barely making it across on time before the lights went green, “someone’s watching over her anyway, and for once, I don’t mean Facebook”.