THERE’S no way in the wide earthly world that the Eurovision song contest can be enjoyed sober, so here’s a handy drinking game to help you through hour after hour of what is often referred to as ‘musical hell’.
Choose your alcohol of choice, and then take:
– Every time a saxophone solo breaks out
– A performer older than 70 takes to the stage
– For every five minutes Ireland remains in the competition (don’t worry, you’ll still be able to drive home)
– When your favourite song of the competition fails to break the top 20
– When the world forgets about Israel’s treatment of Palestine and grants them 12 points after 12 points
– Every time someone in your company complains how ‘bloc voting ruined the competition’
– If something or someone is on fire
– The spectre of Ukraine casts a dark shadow on proceedings
– The Queen dies in the middle of the thing
Clear the table if
– The UK get so much as a single point
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