Here’s Your Eurovision 2022 Drinking Game

THERE’S no way in the wide earthly world that the Eurovision song contest can be enjoyed sober, so here’s a handy drinking game to help you through hour after hour of what is often referred to as ‘musical hell’.

Choose your alcohol of choice, and then take:

1 drink

– Every time a saxophone solo breaks out

– A performer older than 70 takes to the stage

– For every five minutes Ireland remains in the competition (don’t worry, you’ll still be able to drive home)

2 drinks

– When your favourite song of the competition fails to break the top 20

– When the world forgets about Israel’s treatment of Palestine and grants them 12 points after 12 points

– Every time someone in your company complains how ‘bloc voting ruined the competition’

3 drinks

– If something or someone is on fire

– The spectre of Ukraine casts a dark shadow on proceedings

– The Queen dies in the middle of the thing

Clear the table if

– The UK get so much as a single point