Biden’s New Press Secretary To Serve For At Least Nine Scaramuccis

US President Joe Biden has welcomed a new press secretary to his team in the form of Karine Jean-Pierre, a replacement for Jen Psaki who is leaving to work for someone who doesn’t look like they’re hours from death and doesn’t shake hands with invisible people.

Psaki, who has served as Biden’s secretary for 16 months (or 80 Scaramuccis in Trump terms), has welcomed Jean-Pierre to the role and has wished her a career that lasts at least a Sanders, maybe even a Huckabee Sanders or two.

Details about Ms Jean-Pierre include:

– Jean-Pierre is the first openly gay person to serve as Press Secretary in the history of the presidency. She is also the first openly black person to do so too.

– It is unknown if Ms Jean-Pierre suffers from a disability or is a vegan, but if she does then she wins the Liberal sweepstakes.

– President Biden has met her for the first time, 17 times.

– Her announcement holds the record for creating the most furrowed Republican brows in a single sitting.

– If re-elected in 2024, former President Donald Trump pledges to build a wall around her.