“Can All The Migrants From The Countries We Invaded Go Away Now Please”

IN A DESPERATE and obvious attempt to deflect from the fact Boris Johnson has become the first prime minister to be found guilty of a criminal charge while in office, the Tory government has announced new measures to help rile their frothing racist voters into a distracting frenzy, WWN has learned.

“Can all the migrants from the countries we invaded go away now please,” Boris Johnson opened up with his party’s latest arse vomit, “Uganda is beautiful at this time of year,” he added, before being corrected by a colleague, “oh, sorry, Rwanda… Rwanda is just the place for you lot, go there, it’s totally changed since last year when I criticised its human rights record. You’ll love the sun; sure, you’re built for it”.

The move comes as tens of thousands of refugees have sought asylum in the UK over the past few decades, fleeing from countries the UK and its allies have at one stage invaded, bombed, or destabilised while taking control of its assets under the guise of democracy.

“If we had to have known that colonising foreign countries would mean people from those countries would eventually come here to get away from the mess we made of their countries, then we wouldn’t have even bothered pillaging those states,” Johnson added, now trying to find Rwanda on the map, “it’s a bit of a trek to West Africa, but don’t worry, we have plenty of war ships we don’t use anymore, you might even recognise a few from that time we sent them to bomb your countries”.

Denying this latest ruse was to cloak the fact he broke Covid laws following a police investigation into Downing Street parties during lockdown, the serial liar to parliament replied “with all the migrants coming here, the war in Ukraine, spiraling inflation, Brexit and fellow party members touching young boys; this is not the time to talk about changing government”.