World Asks War Shy America If It’s Feeling Okay


TESTING its forehead for signs of a temperature, the world stood back in awe of America’s newfound disinterest in direct military conflict before asking the Leaders of The Free World™ if they were feeling okay.

Despite constantly falling over itself to supply tens of billions of dollars to questionable regimes with aims to decimate so-called third world countries, the United States of America has for once said ‘no, we’re not going to get involved’.

“I’ll run all the tests I can, CT scans, the works. According to their chart they’ve a history of carpet bombing, war crimes, war crimes, chemical warfare and whatever you’re having yourself, but you can hardly tell from the meek state they’re in now, God bless them,” shared one doctor at America’s bedside.

“I knew something wasn’t quite right when they only sent 17,000 anti-tank missiles, that’s a huge drop in appetite. And then this fixation over a sanctions-led approach, it’s not like them at all,” confirmed one worried human rights watchdog who is very familiar with the US.

Asked if turning the tap off the military industrial complex was part of the Catholic fasting of Lent, President Joe Biden stated that the US wasn’t fasting, but was instead actually struggling to keep up with demand.

“We’ve got the Saudis carpet bombing famine stricken Yemen on our books for $350 billion over 10 years, we’ve got the Israelis blitzing Arabs in the Gaza strip requiring a couple of billion a year, not to mention all our covert operations elsewhere; we’re swamped here, guys,” Mr. Biden explained, as a nurse took a thermometer from his mouth to see if he was okay.

“We’ll see if Russia invades the Baltic states – we might send Ukraine some glitzy planes then – but for now, I think we need a little nap,” added Biden as he was taken for some further psychological evaluation.