Woman Basically Living Amish Lifestyle After Taking 5 Minute Break From Phone


LOCAL woman Fiona McCally is wondering if she should start shopping for a bonnet and black cape in the wake of a five minute break from the searing bright light of her phone burning into her retina.

“I’d say yeah, I’m at peace, very Zen. No longer a slave to the trappings of modern life and technology,” McCally said, reading a book like some sort of 17th century devotee of Jakob Ammann.

“I suppose I’m just not at the mercy of mind numbing distractions the way you are,” added McCally, a full 5 minutes and 13 seconds separating her from the last time she checked WhatsApp and watched a make up tutorial on Youtube.

McCally, with her complete rejection of her phone and its accompanying apps since all of six minutes ago, joins a growing number of people seeking to live a more humble life unencumbered by intrusive and attention demanding technology.

“I’ve no experience of barn building but I’m sure I’ll pick it up by candlelight lessons in the evening,” added McCally, who will get around to trading in her car for a horse drawn carriage in the coming days.

“I’m not gonna lie, you mentioned Instagram there for a second and I was like ‘wait, what’s that again?’ haha, it just feels like a century ago I was glued to that thing,” McCally said eying up this reporter’s phone before violently lunging and trying to wrestle it from my hands.