Are These Real Sports Played By Posh People Or Did We Make Them Up?

POSH PEOPLE are endlessly fascinating and a constant source of curiosity. Famously reserved and unwilling to be open with the other elements of society, WWN has blown the lid wide open on some of the more secretive sporting pursuits the wealthy engage in.

But is every sport below the real deal? You be the judge:

Croquet

A sport that involves hitting wooden or plastic balls with a mallet through hoops embedded in a grass playing cour

Womblethrash

Players vie for the attention of the local vagrant. Each player attaches money onto the end of a fishing rod. The player who can successfully lure the vagrant into the ‘Pit of Hilarity’ (a pit, 10 feet deep, filled with pig excrement) wins.

Biffthrottle

Families who have benefited from inheriting obscene wealth from their great-great-great-grandfather that probably involved some slavery chase and berate benefit recipients who have just purchased a new mobile phone or other ‘luxury goods’. Points are awarded if players can get their benefits reduced by pressuring someone in the local welfare office.

Smudgingly

On a flat grass pitch, players are tasked with throwing aged brie from the Seine-et-Marne region in France into a decanter filled with Chateauneuf-du-Papes, vintage no younger than 6 years, from various distances; 5, 10 and 20 metres.

Rugby

Wealthy men in the full thrust of middle age and crippled by a sense of inadequacy, give their sons an inferiority complex who are in turn given the prize of handing down the family heirloom that is unprocessed trauma and fragile masculinity.

Pheasant fudging

Part of a hunt. One member of the hunting party is tasked with hiding a live pheasant in their trousers. If the person is unable to keep the pheasant a secret they are punished in the form of a ‘great big spanking’ from all the other men on the hunt. In no way homoerotic.

Tax avoidance

Players attempt to pay as little tax as possible in this highly illegal game. Winners get to keep their money and gain huge admiration and respect from their peers.