“Sure, I Could Help Millions Of People But What’s In It For Me?”


FURTHER expanding on his in no way disingenuous and sarcastic throw down to the UN World Food Programme in which he said he would pledge the $6 billion required to eradicate world hunger if the WFP open up their accounts to everyone, Elon Musk is now questioning the point of it all.

“Oh it turns out that tweet I commented on in the first place was completely inaccurate, and I was in no way serious anyway and now I look like a grandstanding asshole?” confirmed the billionaire, who is so busy these days he barely has time to come across as a detached sociopath on Twitter.

When provided with further information clarifying that it is estimated the sum of $6 billion could save in the region of 42 million impoverished people at risk of death, Musk was just struggling to see how such an act could benefit anyone.

“No, I said I’d sell Tesla stock if it would eradicate poverty full stop. 42 million people is basically no one, you’ve got to ask what would be the point of using your status as richest man in the world to do something like that? Like, is that more gratifying than selling flamethrowers or rasing a crypto’s value by tweeting ‘mine butt nugget$’?” added Musk, who lists being asked to pay tax as more inhumane than starvation.

“Sure, saving live is cool but is it ‘naming your kid like it’s a license plate’ cool?”

Musk’s impromptu comments on Twitter are believed to be part of a wider strategy by billionaires who realise pretending to care about saving the world is good PR and should distract from people questioning an irrational system which sees someone’s wealth rise by $30 billion in a single day.

“What if instead of the $6 billion = 42 million lives saved, I started a Squid Game style tournament where one of the lucky 42 million get to go to Mars with me in my Compensating for Something Rocket. If this gets 100k retweets I’ll do it,” Musk said, to wild approval from men whose dates abruptly end the second they begin evangelising the self-made son of a onetime emerald mine owner.