Yesterday There Was No News For The 1st Time Since March 12th 1981; Here’s Why


IT MAY SEEM odd to contemplate and even harder to comprehend but you will have noticed that yesterday stood out from all other days in recent memory as there was no news.

The fast paced and ever-changing nature of the world usually means journalists work around the clock in all four corners of the globe constantly assessing and reporting every morsel of newsworthy happenings, to bring it to you, the public.

However, this was not the case yesterday as absolutely nothing of note happened anywhere in the world for the first time since March 12th 1981, but why?

A once in every 40 years phenomenon facilitated by governments, businesses, celebrities and institutions of note has come around again and gives us a truly fascinating insight into how the media works.

“The constant, always on-the-go churn of journalism leaves us so little time to go back over and review the news we report on, so once every 40 years we all sit down and read back over our publications’ work, see if we can spot any errors, factual or otherwise, or spelling mistakes and rectify them before returning to business as usual the next day,” explained one Daily Mail editor who stressed they had very little work of that nature to do yesterday.

“It’s always nice of everyone – politicians, famous people etc to agree to not create any news on these pre-selected no news days. It just makes this review of our work so much easier. No celebrity birth, deaths, marriages or divorces. No countries invading anywhere, no new policy cock ups. We really appreciate it,” confirmed another editor.

But is a day of no news, news in and of itself? We spoke to a leading news scientist about the confusing possibilities.

“It is said that ‘no news is good news’ and so, is ‘good news’…news? This is incredibly troubling for us here at CERN. I’ll be honest, our heads are wrecked, I feel like a melon being hit by a sledgehammer but we’ll have to wait another 40 years for the next no news day to tackle this stuff. Promise to nail it next time,” explained Dr. Peter Stravinsky, chief newsologist at CERN.

WWN and all news outlets would like to thank the public for their patience yesterday during the lack of news.