Turns Out 9-Year-Old You Was Right: Girls Are Gross


A NEW study has shown that young boys may have the right idea when it comes to the opposite sex, girls (and subsequently women) are weird, gross, and should be avoided at all costs.

“Children are very intuitive at that age – it’s a very base, primal instinct that helped us as cave people to avoid predators. As such, when a third class boy says that he’s never getting married because girls are smelly, he may be onto something,” said Professor Alex Treballyn, who has just published his new book ‘Girls: Ewwww’, an instant bestseller.

“95% of the hassle that men have later in life with their female partners, wives and girlfriends could easily be avoided if one were to just trust that little boy inside them, and run a mile if it even appears like a girl wants to kiss you or hold your hand. Flee – it’s not worth it”.

Professor Treballyn, speaking from his friends house where he’s staying for a little while until he gets things sorted after his divorce, went on to state much more on the subject, despite nobody asking.

“Kids may not know about the ins and outs of women’s stuff, but they know something is up,” said the professor, while eating his second Pot Noodle of the day.

“They can just sense it. They smell the warning signs of bras over the banister and rows about spending too much time with your friends. But it’s not too late, look at me. I’m living proof that you can live the rest of your life without ever talking to a smelly, weirdo girl ever again”.

The professor wanted us to let everyone know has a podcast too, if anyone is interested.