Local Man Might Get Covid Test To Break Up Week A Bit


THE opening of a number of walk-in Covid test centres around Ireland has inspired Dublin native Eric Barton to tweak his plans for the week to include a quick nasal swab, just to mix things up a bit.

“I was going to be doing the same as I’ve done every week since Christmas, which is a mix of lying around the house and walking in a circle around my 5km radius” Barton told WWN, gleefully searching where his nearest test centre is.

“This could kill an hour though! Bop up, walk in without an appointment, get a test even though I’ve no symptoms at all, and then get a coffee on the way home. I’m getting quite excited about it, to be honest”.

The free and simple test centres, believed up to this point to be ‘not really all that important’ by the government, will allow NPHET to determine the scale of the virus in the community as the supposed deadline for ending lockdown approaches, as well as giving bored citizens something to be at instead of slipping further into despair.

“Actually you know what, I’ll wait until next week when the kids are off school and bring the whole family!” beamed dad-of-three Barton, gleeful at the notion of having something to actually look forward to.

“It’ll be great to be able to jump in the car and go for a drive, knowing that I’ve a good reason to be out if the guards stop me. This is deadly! I only wish we’d had it last year, I’d have been at it more than I was at Starbucks!”

Meanwhile, talk of a walk-in vaccination centre has been laughed off by the government as being ‘some sort of sci-fi, Alice In Wonderland hallucination of a thing’.