‘Vaccine War’ Just The Sort Of Thing Idiotic Human Race Would Get Into During Global Pandemic


IN A MOVE that has come as no surprise to anthropologists observing humankind, leading authorities, politicians, nations and businesses remain embroiled in fractious arguments about vaccine supplies which were meant to end the pandemic that has hobbled the world and resulted in millions of deaths and widespread hardship.

“Honestly, we’re so fucking stupid I don’t know why I bother studying our moronic species,” confirmed anthropologist Gwen Prentice, noting how it never occurred to world leaders and pharma companies to forgo patent copyright on vaccines, giving every country in the world the means to cheaply produce Covid-ending vaccines in huge numbers themselves.

“No, instead these pea-brained ignoramuses running the richest countries in the world thought ‘what’s one thing more important than swiftly snuffing out the pandemic? That’s right pharma company profits and arguments over contract law’. Oh and ‘how about we price poorer nations out of being able to buy vaccines altogether’. Yeah, that’s a sure fire way to get the world back to normal, idiots as useless as tits on a bull,” added psychologist Brian Scotten.

As the EU remains at loggerheads with AstraZeneca, the US hordes vaccines, the UK government cynically uses its rollout to ramp up jingoistic nationalism and Russia exploit western frustrations with fanciful claims they can provide a vaccine to everyone in the known universe, not a single person with previous knowledge of the shit-for-brains human race could even muster a raised eyebrow at how much humankind was acting against its own self-interest.

“If anything I was surprised a ‘vaccine war’ hadn’t come quicker,” confirmed human Gary Smith, “like I don’t mean armies shooting vaccines at each other, but y’know stern diplomatic fuck-wittery that needlessly costs lives”.

“We are the species that invented the ‘pull-my-finger’ fart joke after all, anyone who held out hope of everyone acting in the best interest of the world at large is an even bigger moron than the people still fighting for vaccines to be the intellectual property of pharma companies,” concluded anthropologist Prentice, shortly before quitting to study penguins instead.