Thai Beach Sort Of Misses Throngs Of Westerners Destroying It


WHILE the unquestionable negative impact of hordes of western travellers on Thailand’s famous beaches are well documented, many Thai beaches are now craving the booming tourist season which the Covid-19 pandemic has eviscerated, WWN can report.

“It’s been ages since I’ve had a load of used condoms just thrown on me with the careless abandon you only find at a full moon party,” shared one unusually clean Thai beach now free of buckets, glow sticks and amphetamine laced Red Bull for the first time in decades.

“You’d think this quiet would bring a bit of inner peace and calm, but to be honest I’d kill for watching some college students freak the fuck out after dropping their first pill, it helps to break up the day” added the beach.

Where beaches once most feared groups of loud and obnoxious tourists, their biggest threat in a tourist free world is now coastal erosion.

“I was seeing so many pricks in diving gear day to day, I thought they were native to the region like me,” explained one Ko Samui based fish.

“Do I miss them? No, sure the constant presence of plastic in the ocean means it’s like they never left,” added the fish, who needed a little help out of a plastic beer can holder.

Despite to eerie lack of tourist activity WWN noticed one man in what appeared to be ragged Kerry jersey and GAA short shorts.

“Oh don’t mind Paudie, he’s been here since 2008, he’s so mangled he keeps reliving the same night over and over again. Just goes around screaming Mr Brightside from the top of his lungs and feels up the jelly fish,” confirmed one Koh Phangan based beach.