The Influencer’s Guide To Essential Work In Dubai

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WITH CASES exploding in the UAE and further restrictions put in place in Dubai resulting from an influx in influencer based travel to the tourist hotspot, WWN reached out to leading influencers in a bid to get their side of the story on their very important essential work.

“This is my office and this is my orifice,” influencer Kayley shared with WWN, showing off an infinity pool and her backside in a sheer lingerie set she told her followers was ‘genuinely amazing’ and not just because she’d endorse anything if you gave her a fiver.

Kayley explained her 9-to-5 is exactly the same as everyone else during a global pandemic with the only difference being she is hypnotised by her own reflection and is incapable of empathy, a sentiment other influencers agree with.

“Exclusive 10% off Dubai strain of Covid for my fans,” a glassy eyed PT by the name of Jay said as he recorded a video doing some essential hang gliding off the top of the Burj Khalifa.

“My naked torso requires the perfect lighting only available in Dubai at this time of year, if I was to take pictures of my baby oil covered abs back home I might as well close down my business,” confirmed Jay of his business which seemed to consist of him pushing protein pills that will probably give you heart disease, and sliding into women’s DMs with unsolicited dick pics.

With no signs of influencers traveling abroad announcing a ‘collab’ between their only two brain cells, it is unlikely there will be an end to meek explanations as to why lip filler endorsements had to take place on a camel ride in the desert.

“Have my 10% off some flimsy shite from Pretty Little Things saved someone’s life? Kept them going? Who knows? Well, I do actually, I know and yes I’m a saver of lives,” shared influencer Hayley.

“Fuck sake, another day sorting out my tax and VAT,” grumbled another influencer Shayley, who in fairness did look hard at work stuck indoors at their home office in Dubai.

Scientists estimate they are still decades away from developing technology which allows vein narcissists to take photos of themselves in locations other than Dubai, and even further from technology which helps people just ignore them.

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