Green Party Imploding A Little Quicker Than Most People Predicted


WHILE political experts expected the Green party to tear itself apart as betrayed voters looked on with a mix of disappointment and satisfaction, none had guessed it would be this soon.

“Wow, that was quick, I had them chucking themselves in a recycling bin a little over a year into government,” offered political commentator Sarah Cuddihy, noting Greens leader Eamon Ryan has fallen asleep and said the N-word in the Dáil more times than he has stood up to his coalition partners.

“Everyone knew it was inevitable once the coalition was formed but backing the CETA trade deal to the hilt, that’s Chernobyl levels of catastrophic meltdowns,” added Cuddihy, of the EU’s trade deal with Canada which would permit companies to sue countries if their profits were impacted by regulations, such as environmental regulations aimed at saving the planet.

As a party with more selling out than a run of Garth Brooks gigs at Croke Park, and even more disappointed fans, speculation is mounting that ahead of a January Dáil vote on CETA the Green Party’s compostable spine will breakdown amid infighting.

“There’s turkeys voting for Christmas and then there’s the Green… in the plus column for them there’s ‘councils built some temporary cycle lanes’ but the minus column is longer than all temporary cycle lanes laid out end to end,” added one former Greens supporter.

“Accusations of bullying party members, backing Varadkar leaking documents, botching the Mother and Baby Home archives, I mean, what next? Overseeing the rollout of data centres in Ireland that will eventually take up over 30% of the country’s entire electricity grid use?” added the former supporter not realising their last point was also true.