Local Chef Likes To Sprinkle Green Herb Shite On Everything

HOTEL chef James Toomey has revealed the secret behind his stunning success at staying in the same restaurant job for 25 years; chopped parsley.

“I sometimes use coriander if I’m stuck, but sprinkling parsley around the edge of every single plate is where it’s at these days,” Toomey explains, now taking a freshly fried and previously frozen fillet steak out of the deep fryer before plating it up and wiping away the oil, “it just adds flair and some pizazz to the dish, and all the blue rinse tour ladies love it when they come over from the UK,” he continued, now taking a small bowl of undercooked vegetables from the microwave.

Revered by his sous chef peers and kitchen porter, mainly due to their lack of English, Toomey’s style and grace is renowned right across the hotel chain.

“Okay, it’s just one hotel, but we got some great reviews on Bebo last month,” the 63-year-old recalled a review in 2007, before picking at some leftovers from one of several post service plates still packed with uneaten food.

“Burger, chips and sprinkle of parsley, half and half chicken curry with parsley garnish, turkey, ham and parsley, breaded plaice and parsley; it just works so well together and the colour green really livens up the plate. If I could put parsley on ice-cream and jelly I would,” Toomey insisted, frantically chopping several more kilos of parsley for tonight’s service.

In a recent survey carried out among some ten thousand restaurant customers, just 0.009% admitted to actually eating herb garnishes, while the remainder stated the unwanted ingredient made every meal look like the Grinch just shaved his legs over it.