God Fires Writing Team


CITING a series of monumental fuck ups as the main reasoning behind his latest executive decision, God the almighty has made over 50 heavenly writers redundant this week after a spate of lazy story lines and unimaginative scenarios for his ongoing epic saga called Earth.

“Kanye fucking West running for the US elections? I should have fired these morons when they landed the Ronald Reagan script on my desk in the 80s; what a shambles,” a statement from God’s PR team read this morning, apologising for the last several decades of humanity.

Now into its 4.6 millionth season, Earth’s latest series began with some spectacular story lines this year, with one of the world’s most dangerous epidemics in centuries landing observers of the planet on the edges of their seats.

“Earth 2020 started off with an exciting new virus and we were really looking forward to what the writing team had in store for humanity, but they just couldn’t come up with a proper ending for it and it got really boring after a few months,” the statement continued, “some writers wanted to kill everyone off and start again while others wanted it to bring humanity together, but it just didn’t work and the writers began clutching at straws with ridiculous storylines like placing another unstable celebrity to pretend to be in charge of America – the whole idiot president thing is done to death at this stage”.

Calling on new writers, God suggested spicing up Earth 2021 a bit in time for next season.

“A nice big fiery comet levelling America would be great,” God hinted to future writers of the hit intergalactic show. “Fuck it; even an alien invasion now would be ideal. Just have fun with it, I guess”.