“Essentially Essential Non-Essential Overseas Travel Is Non-Essentially Essential” Confirms Government


WITH businesses and individuals exploiting failures by authorities to clearly communicate travel advice the newly installed coalition government has happily given the certainty on overseas travel long craved by a confused public.

As people who have booked a week in Spain were being advised to isolate for 14 days when they get there, and places deemed safe to fly to including Narnia, Hogwarts, Winterfell and the 7th circle of Hell, the government stood accused of delivering confusing and contradictory messaging.

“We’re glad that’s cleared up,” confirmed Minister for Health and sentient egg Stephen Donnelly, after confirming that essentially essential non-essential overseas travel is non-essentially essential for anyone looking to avoid embracing increased restrictive easing of eased restrictions.

“At this stage you’d be mad as a bag of hungover cats to travel abroad for a holiday, and if you contracted Covid-19 you’d basically be a biological terrorist, but like we said this mandatory advice is optionally optional in the mandatory sense,” added Donnelly.

“Longford is now the Canaries, Kerry is Florida. Foreign holidays are really just a state of mind anyway,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Irish tourism industry, trying to help you make the best of a bad situation.

Meanwhile those insisting on taking a non-essential holiday abroad have been urged to avail of the government’s official list of justifiable excuses which include:

‘Fuck you I want one’, ‘look how pale am I, I need the sun’, ‘my cat needs a break from us’ and ‘how could taking in foreign travel, credited with spreading this pandemic in the first place, ever backfire? Cop onto yourself’.