ONE LOCAL man deprived by the Covid-19 pandemic of his time-thieving, stress-inducing, daily commute to work has come up an ingenious solution.
“I’ve missed hoors not indicating, being stuck in the one spot for 45 minutes, the best parts of my life slowly ticking away, but this McDonald’s drive-thru is an absolute God send,” confirmed traffic addict Fionn Grogan, donning his work suit as he joined the mile long tailback for a newly reopened McDonalds on the Cork road.
“It’s got everything I need: I can beep, shout abuse, get really fucking stressed to the point where my blood pressure becomes a genuine concern for my GP. It’s good to be back,” insisted Grogan before explaining he was not intending on ordering anything, but just waiting there purely for the traffic.
Angrily scrolling through shite radio station after shite radio station, anxiously referring to his watch to animate his haste and gripping the steering tightly while swearing, Grogan hadn’t been this happy in weeks.
“Fucking try cutting in ya fucking cunt and see what happens,” barked Grogan at a pedestrian of pensionable age crossed his path with a take away Big Mac Meal.
“I actually feel a bit light headed,” he added, who could barely believe he was back doing what he loved to hate the most, pure unfiltered impotent rage coursing through his body.
“Fuck me, this queue hasn’t moved in at least 15 minutes,” concluded Grogan, his traffic erection now bulging through the double stitching of his neatly tailored pants.