Everything You Need To Know About Joe Biden


THE Former vice-president of America and senator Joe Biden has seen his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination receive a lift after winning the Democratic primary in South Carolina.

Here’s everything you need to know about 77-year-old Biden:

Earned the nickname ‘The White Obama’ from himself.

Has a long and storied career in the senate, passing laws and representing ordinary citizens, the sort of record you just know people who voted for a reality TV star to be president are going to respect and take into account when voting.

Claims the phrase “what’s up ese?” should be enough to court Hispanic voters in any presidential election.

Unlike Bernie Sanders he ain’t no Commie Sonuvabitch!

If nominated as the Democratic candidate, troubling news that could harm him includes fact that his son Hunter has direct ties to Slytherin, Skeletor, Thanos, SPECTRE and Shredder, and this is just the sort of thing Trump voters will believe.

Only candidate whose teeth actively play a role in voters’ nightmares or could stand in for a lighthouse beacon when it goes dark and needs repairing.

Was Barack Obama’s vice-president, but owing to his modest nature, you’ll never hear him bring that fact up.

Had a whole thing where women said he was too ‘touchy feelie’ but, hey, don’t bring that up Jesus, the man’s trying to win the presidency and if there’s one thing the American public wouldn’t stand for it, it’s a…oh wait, nevermind.

Standing on a platform of ‘boy, let me tell you, I’d love to punch that son of a gun Trump right in the kisser’.

Has suffered many harrowing tragedies in his life include the death of his wife and one year old daughter in a car crash, and the death of his son due to brain cancer – the sort of tragedies you can just picture Trump openly mocking in debates on the way to his easy reelection, can’t you?

At 77, he is one of the oldest candidates in the running for president but doesn’t think being an eye witness as a child to the sinking of the Titanic should be a barrier to being elected.

Biden voted in favour of the war in Iraq but hey, stop making out like that’s a bad thing. Once opposed desegregation busing but that’s hardly going to prove to be a problem or used against him by opponents.

You’re right, the more you look at him his head does look exceptionally large for his body.

Having gone for the presidency in 1988 and 2008, is looking to make it a third time of being told ‘no’ by the American public.