Piece Of Shit Mother Seems To Think Small Round American Pancakes Acceptable Purchase

A TERRIBLE Waterford based mother has been reported to child welfare services after thinking she could bring home shop bought small, thick and circular American style ‘pancakes’ for her children and just get away with it.

Described by social workers as one of the most disturbing cases they’ve ever had the displeasure of working on, Siobhan Hearty (37) henceforth known as a ‘piece of shit mother’, served up microwave heated American style pancakes; the sort that are reviled by all right-thinking Irish people.

“It was horrific, the kids were there all distraught looking at these small thick circular yokes, bland yokes that don’t taste of anything, and her, the mother, without an ounce of guilt on her face,” confirmed one social worker who admitted immediately phoning the armed police unit when she realised what was going on.

Hearty protested her innocence as she was bundled into the back of a squad car with cries of ‘but I had lemon and sugar’, however, legal experts suggest that the mother’s failure to prepare for Pancake Tuesday by even buying a ready mix for proper pancakes will count against her in court.

“I hope they throw away the key, she’s a fucking monster,” confirmed eye-witness and pancake whistleblower Jack Hearty, Siobhan’s 9-year-old son.

“People often say in these cases ‘and what about the father? Where is he in all this?’ I’ll tell you where he will be, he’ll be court every day itching to watch the cow get seven years in jail for her crimes,” added Siobhan’s husband, Trevor, who has vowed to testify against his wife.

If anyone you know has attempted to feed you piss poor excuses for pancakes, you can report them to the Gardaí on the special 1850-Not-Pancakes hotline.