Saudi Crown Prince Sentences Himself To Death For Khashoggi Murder

IN AN unprecedented move, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia has reportedly ordered his own execution for the murder of columnist for The Washington Post Jamal Ahmad Khashoggi last year, WWN has learned.

Mohammed bin Salman had previously overseen the death sentences of five men this week for the journalist’s murder, but later succumbed to Western media pressure, which pinpointed him as the main orchestrator, forcing him to make the unorthodox move.

“Okay, okay, I’ll just execute myself if it makes you all bloody happy,” a bitter crown prince was reported to have shouted at staff and security personnel after reading several damning articles about his involvement in the crime, “quick, guard, grab the largest and most expensive sword you can find, I will not be beheaded with any old crap… and hurry, before the media criticizes me anymore”.

Jamal Khashoggi had been tortured and killed in a Saudi Arabian embassy in October of 2018 by Saudi agents working for the crown prince before his body was chopped up, put in a series of bags and disposed of like a piece of rubbish.

“Of all the things I’ve done; the famines, bombings, tortures, human rights violations, executions of women and children, excetera, excetera, this is the crime that gets me dead?” bin Salman asked rhetorically, now ushering his main executioner over to a block of wood, “okay, so, just make this quick, nothing worse than a half arsed decapitation… you know you can still see 20 seconds after your heads chopped off?”

Inhaling a large breath while raising a gold and diamond encrusted sword, the Saudi executioner paused briefly to let his soon to be former leader say his final words.

“I just want to say… psych!” the Crown Prince jested, now turning his head up and laughing at his would be killer, before the whole room began sniggering uncontrollably “ah ha ha ha, the look on your face, Ataullah, ah ha-ha priceless,” bin Salman added, now standing up and slapping the executioner around the back of his head, “what, you think I’d actually have myself killed, you dope? Off with his head,” the Prince then sentenced him to death.

“God, some people are so gullible,” he concluded to the piercing cries of his former executioner.